Day 79 - The Monkey Yardstick

Leaving aside the question of whether orangutans are monkeys (answer: close enough), it seems that blogs such as this one that are blatantly pro-monkey have won over our PM.

Now he's going to give $500,000 to save the orangutans in Borneo.

This is smart politicking. In one swoop, John Howard has sewn up:
- the monkey vote
- the Borneo vote
- the "I thought hospitals were getting too much anyway" vote.

Of course, this is only if the Liberals win. Some say that this promise is a clear indicator that John Howard no longer thinks they can, and is just trying to see if he can get Kevin Rudd to copy him on everything. I agree. It is clear that we have a new way of measuring whether someone is taking an election campaign seriously or not - the monkey yardstick.

If your election campaign is flagging and nothing, but nothing, will chase those blues away, then there's a sure fire way of raising spirits high! The monkey yardstick! The monkey yardstick says "I've given up!" but in a fun, monkey-friendly way! Get your monkey yardstick today!

The monkey yardstick is great for local council elections:
"I think we should repair the footpath near the shops!"
"I think we need more monkeys!"

For arguing in court:
"He was holding the knife, was covered in blood and was shouting 'I did it! I did it!'"
"Your Honour, with all due respect - monkeys."

For the home:
"I want to watch Deperate Housewives."
"Yes, but I...well...fine. Monkey monkey monkey."