Day 50 - Halfway There

And so we (by which I mean me) have reached a significant milestone. In 50 days, I (by which I mean me) turn 30. It's also been 50 days since I started this blog.

And what a rollercoaster ride it has been so far. Monkeys, Garfield, Chuck Norris, the life expectancy of the hippopotamus - we've covered them all.

But we haven't talked about Bob Moose Jr. Mr Moose was one of those unfortunate few unlucky enough to pass away on the same day they were born. Well, not the same day, but the same date, years later. And it's still sad.



Bob Moose Jr died on his 29th birthday on the way to his birthday party. So he never got to blog about turning 30. Let's not think about that, however, but rather, about his successful baseball career with the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Wait, the Pittsburgh Pirate? I know what you're thinking. Andre, don't you own a Pittsburgh Pirates cap? A cap celebrating what we previously thought was an obscure baseball team? The same team Bob Moose Jr played for?

Isn't that a little spooky?

Yes I do. Yes it is. (Here is a picture of me wearing the cap. While standing next to a Biker Scout from Star Wars, just to lighten the mood.)

So let us celebrate reaching 50 posts. But let us also remember Bob Moose Jr. And let us also thank my friend Stuart for providing me with a very fine hat indeed.

Day 51 - Why America is Awesome

This is by far my laziest post to date, but I had to share this. A 100% authentic campaign ad for the US presidential election from Republican Mike Huckabee - featuring Chuck Norris. Yes, Walker Texas Ranger.



Apparently Opra endorsed Obama today. Bah! Is Oprah a Texas Ranger? Was Oprah in Dodgeball? I don't think so! Viva Chuck. (Actually, the bigger shame is that Mr Norris is not running for president himself.)

Day 57 - Education Revolution

Firstly, apologies for the lack of posts recently. I will now endeavour to update more regularly so that you, the reader (yes, reader singular - you know who you are) can enjoy fresh servings of turning-30-I-can't-believe-it writing.

And so to today's post.

When you get older, people expect you to be a bit more mature. To be a bit wiser than when you started. In short, you are expected to have learnt something. Here is a list (by no means comprehensive) of some of the things that you are meant to know by the time you are thirty. Please score yourself as you go along.

1. What capital gains tax is.
Apparently, lots of people who are thirty or over have 'assets'. Not having any 'assets' (an unbroken run of Incredible Hulk comics from the late 90s notwithstanding), I wouldn't know. However, it is useful to know that there is this tax that exists that can totally make your tax return hard to fill in.
Scoring:
- I know what capital gains tax is. Duh. (3 points)
- Capital gains tax? Isn't that..? Uh...zzzzzzzzzzzz. (0 points)
- I also know what negative gearing is. (5 points)
- I utilise negative gearing (-100 points for making the housing market more expensive)

2. Who your superannuation is with, and what it's being invested in.
It is possible to have your superannuation sitting in a fund that invests it ethically. It's also possible to have it sitting in a high risk, short term gains fund, or a low risk fund if you've got the time. Alternatively, like me, you can have your super sitting in five different funds because you forgot to collect all the funds together every time you changed jobs. I like to think of this as 'diversifying my portfolio', although my accountant friends refer to it as 'stupid'.
- I know where my super is. (3 points)
- I've always known. (1 additional point)
- I also know how my super is being invested (2 additional points)
- I don't know if I even have super (0 points)
- Super schmuper. But I like Superman (5 points)
- Although I was underwhelmed by Superman Returns (6 points)

3. Which council municipality you are in.
Admittedly, many people under 30 know what council they live in because they have (a) received a parking fine from them, (b) received another fine from them; or (c) work for the council. But if (a), (b) and (c) don't apply, over 30s should know their council for a very important reason. TO KNOW WHO TO COMPLAIN TO. If you haven't had a good whinge to your council about something, you're not really trying. Here's a few things you can complain about: rubbish collection, recycling collection, the state of the footpaths, animal waste on footpaths, lack of public facilities, the level of rates, council expenditure, the state of politics in Russia.
- I know my council, thank you. (3 points)
- I don't know. (0 points)
- Um...is it the Jedi Council? (-2 points)
- Oh come on. Jedi Council!!! That's funny. (-3 points)
- Dude! Jedi Council. From Star Wars! You know, Yoda! (-1 point)
- Fine. Whatever. (-1 point)

4. Why kids today have it so much better than you did.
You have to know this. If you're thinking, well, it's tough for kids today - YOU ARE WRONG. Or under 30. You will learn.
- I had to walk 12 miles to school everyday. In the snow. Yes, in the snow, in Australia (3 points)
- Without shoes (3 points)
- And with no knees (-1 point for lying)
- Our animated films were in 2D (3 points)
- Etc (1 point)
- Wait! Kids have it tough today, don't they? (-5 points)

OK, let's score:
- If you actually added up your score as you went along: um....good for you.
- If you didn't...you got a 5. Well done. Don't go back and add the scores. You got a 5. Trust me.